excerpt from my short story rough draft (no title yet)

In creative writing class, the assignment is to write a short story. This is a part of my rough draft that I got done and I wanted to share it with you guys, so here it is:

I awoke at midnight to my parents fighting (like every other day). My dad’s deep voice roared like a lion throughout the house. I heard my mother scream bloody murder, which probably meant that dad used another one of his famous back hand slaps. It doesn’t seem like it would hurt that much, but believe me, once he back hand slaps you, it feels as if a fireball exploded on your cheek. I’ve had that happen, and your cheek turns from white to salmon. My painful thoughts were interrupted by my dad’s tormented rage

“Never f**king touch my beer stash, you old b**ch! Look, one of the bottles are                  already empty!”

“What the hell is going on here?!” I shouted as I stormed down the creaky stairs with my nails digging into my palms, “Its midnight!”

“This does NOT concern you!” my dad scowled.

As soon as I noticed the evil in his dark brown eyes, I quickly crept up the stairs and as soon as I got to my room, I made sure my door was locked, so I wouldn’t have any intrusions by my drunken, overbearing dad or my annoying little 10 year old brother Jimmy. Jimmy is a mirror image of me: same brown shaggy hair down to our chins, same striking brown eyes, same pale skin tone… basically the only difference is that I am seven years older and my parents have been spoiling Jimmy ever since he started pooping in diapers. He is always in my business, from stealing money out of my wallet and throwing my laundry everywhere to breaking my Ipod speakers (which were a ton of money) and he thinks it’s funny to knock down my picture of Angie. Angie was the only person in the world I can tolerate. She was thin, tall, had luscious long blonde soft curly hair and dazzling blue eyes the color of the sky. She was an angel inside as well as on the outside. She could even make a funeral a happy place with her beautiful, shy smile. The only thing that wasn’t perfect about her was that she never saw what I saw. In her eyes, she was useless. She was always to mean to herself and calling herself despicable names under her breath. The reason why she was so broken was that when she was little, both of her parents died in a gigantic car accident while trying to save her. They were actually driving her to her friend’s house, so she blamed herself for even mentioning about her play date and that they died while trying to save her. “It was all my fault,” she always used to cry, “I should’ve died instead of them.” Eventually, she got sent to numerous foster homes, which made her think no one wanted her. She also used to tell me frightening stories about how cruel some of the foster families treated her. She was even locked in a closet with numerous bloody cuts for hours by one of her foster dad’s. Switching schools was also really tough for her, since she always used to be extremely shy around new people. She also had a history of being bullied to tears. I have always been there for her when she transferred to my school. We became inseparable and before I knew it, I became head- over- heels in love with her. I was gonna confess my endless love to her, but when I called her, she wouldn’t answer. I paced around anxiously looking for her for a week, but she was nowhere to be found. The next week, I got a call from her cell phone. “Could it be? Is it really her?” I nervously thought as I was answering the phone.

            “He-hello? Ang-Angie? I mi-missed you so mu-much,” I nervously stuttered as I answered the phone.

            “This is Angie’s foster mom..”

            “Where is Angie? Is she okay?” I anxiously asked as my hand gripped the phone harder.

            “Julian, I am sorry to say this, but Angie is gone, we found her lifeless on the ground with an empty bottle of sleeping pills lying next to her..”

All of a sudden, I felt as if my heart had stopped right when I heard the news about her death.

            I screamed into the phone, “Did you do anything to save her?! Why did you let her die?!”

            “We sent her to the ER, there was nothing the doctors could do to revive her.”

I felt as if I’ve been dangling off a cliff for years, only to be saved by Angie’s soft hand, but now that she’s gone, I fell hard to the ground. Anger exploded out of me like a volcano as I chucked the phone with all my might. Little did I know however, that I subconsciously hit Jimmy in the face with the remote. I bet it didn’t hurt him so hard that he had to scream, what a wimp. Of course, hearing my pathetic little brother’s scream, my dad came storming into the room. “What have you done?!” my dad’s voice boomed as if plugged into an amplifier. All I could do was whimper. I tried to explain myself but I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. Angie is dead, and soon I will be if I don’t get out of this room. He grabbed me by the shoulder with his big muscular hands and jerked me towards him so I was right in front of him. I knew I was in some deep s**t. Before I knew it, he back hand slapped me, shoved me into my room, and slammed the door shut, leaving me alone to deal with the love of my life’s death. How could she do this to me? Did she ever once think about how I felt about her, how I hugged her, how I couldn’t survive a day without her? I loved her so much, I even wanted to marry her! My pillow dampened with tears pouring down my blood shot eyes. Without her, I am alone in this terrifying, difficult world with my abusive drunken father, my alcoholic mother, my spoiled little brother, and my “friends” who never make an effort to approach me. I tried finding a new love, Beccah, who was a thin, tall girl with straight brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, and big… yeah. I thought everything was going well between us, but then I found out that she never cared about me and I caught her and my best friend, Nick making out on a bench. After being consumed by my dreadful thoughts, I peered out into the black night sky. I then noticed there was one star that was bigger and brighter than any other star in the sky. Although being skeptical that my wishes will actually come true, the words, “I wish everyone would disappear,” escaped from my sorrow filled lips as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

            The next day, I woke up from a completely undisturbed sleep. I wondered why I couldn’t hear my father curse or my mom screamed, but when I looked at my alarm clock, it read 1:30PM. I jumped out of bed, rummaged through my dowers to find an old t-shirt and jeans, quickly went through my hair with a brush, rapidly brushed my teeth, stuffed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich into my mouth, and bolted out the door. I wonder why I didn’t get woken up. I guess they only woke up Jimmy, considering that he is the obvious favorite, forgot about me, and drove to the liquor store to get more booze. As I was sprinting to school, I noticed outside was eerily quiet. At this hour, I would hear many cars zooming by, the laughter of the small children next door, or just people engaging in many conversations. Being worried and suspicious, I decided to stop and look around to see what was up with the quietness. I saw no one, not even the paperboy who would throw newspapers in yards, not even the woman with the pink headband who gets up early to jog, not even the homeless men begging for money were there. “Did my wish actually come true?” I thought. 

My story is about a 17 year old boy named Julian who wishes on a star that every single person would disappear. I stopped at the scene where he wakes up, goes outside, and notices that no one was there. It is just the beginning of my short story but there will be more in the near future (the rough draft is due on thursday)