update..

Wow, the summer is really flying by! I can't believe it's coming to and end, yet there is still so much I wanna do, but so little time! I am gonna hang out with my friends as much as possible, and finish up Secret Life Of Bees, which is my last summer reading book. My first summer reading book was the Hunger Games, which was probably the best summer reading book I have ever read: great story, well written (even with a few grammar/spelling errors), and very well developed characters! I will definitely continue the series, but later because there's a lot of books i have on my shelf that I have no read yet.

I am also very excited that I'm going to a different school because I get to start over. It was really hard for me to maintain friendships because in a matter of time, the friends I had early on in the year wound up not even acknowledge my presence when I say "hi" to them, or they just glare. I'm known as the shy and quiet one only because in 6th grade, it was my first time being in a really large group of people that I don't know, since I live in a small town and I went to the local elementary school and I wasn't used to so many people and plus, I didn't know anyone in my homeroom. As the years progressed, I kept making friends and losing them. I was verbally bullied during 6th and 7th grade  by this really mean girl who somehow didn't like me, even though I never did/said anything mean to her and I had my first experience with cyberbullying. I was excluded from the groups I hung out in and people were so mad that I ended up in their group instead of another girl, they constantly complained about how they wanted that girl instead of me. As the years of my old school progressed, I began to feel that I was worthless and that the world would be better off without me since people get mad when I'm partnered up with them and that they don't even bother to talk to me. All that negative thoughts lead to clinical depression. I have probably had it since sixth or seventh grade but I was diagnosed last year. My self esteem lowered to the point where the only stuff I could think about was how much people hate me and how I am good for nothing and worthless. There were points where I thought about cutting myself because I didn't know how else to deal with the pain and no matter how hard I tried to get them to like me, they never even bothered to even acknowledge me and my grades were dropping because I was in a stage where I just sat there trying not to cry. My  depression escalated over time, which lead to me thinking of ways to end my life so I couldn't deal with all the pain anymore. That was when my mom constantly started taking me to see my therapist (whom I have been seeing since 2009) and made me visit a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as clinically depressed and I was introduced to prozac, an antidepressant. At first, I did not want to take anything because I wanted to be happy on my own without the medicine, but I have been taking it for more than a year and it does help. What has been keeping me going are the friends who are always by my side no matter what, even though sometimes I feel that I don't deserve it... well, my family also plays a big role to why I am still here, especially my mom and my best friend and cousin, Annette. Well, all of my family helps, but you know, they do get on my nerves sometimes (a lot, actually). I am just so happy I get to start over and make new friends. I am so happy that I have people who love me for who I am and I just want to reach out and hug you all because you guys are what keeps me going... well, other than my pets, which I prefer more than humans sometimes lol.

In other news, Canada was really cool and the falls were beautiful! I ended up getting so soaked on some of the stuff I went on, especially the white river rafting on a jet boat, in which I literally got tubloads of water poured on me and a ton of it managed to get up my nose, despite my attempt to block my nose. My family stayed in a trailer for a few days, but we were mainly looking around and taking tours/boat tours such as maid in the mist, a boat tour that goes near the falls (but obviously not in it, of course) and I got really soaked, but not as soaked as on the jet boat. I also went on the tour behind the falls and saw a movie on how niagra falls was made, which was so cool because there was water coming out of the ceiling of the movie theater that got us drenched and stuff that looked like snow came out of the ceiling before the water. I also ate at the famous revolving restaurant located on the top of the skylon tower, which was really nice and the view of the falls was AMAZING! On the last day in Canada, my family took a trip to Toronto and we went on a "hippo bus", which is pretty much the same as the duck tour in Boston. We ended up leaving Canada at around 7 I think and came home at about 4:30AM Thursday morning and to be honest, I still haven't fully unpacked my bags yet: they are still laying on my bedroom floor. What can I say? I'm too lazy to pick it up right now lol

So, what's been going on this week is dun dun dun dun.... drivers ed! I've had two classes today and only three more to go (Monday-Friday) and I thought this class would be hella boring, but the drivers ed teacher is entertaining and really cool. I have to admit, I kinda enjoy it, but of course, I'd rather be in my bed fast asleep. I have been taking notes and actually not drawing in my notebook until break time, drawing is hard for me to resist but it is good that I pay attention so that one of these days, I will get behind the wheel. A hilarious thing the teacher said while talking about distracted driving was "Kids in the back cause accidents, accidents in the back cause kids," which made me and the other students crack up! He has been sharing funny stories as well as sad stories and he made it "mandatory" to laugh at his jokes, regardless of how bad they are. And man, the dude's 62, loves motorcycles, is in a rock band, and also a track coach, which I think is pretty cool. The exam is on friday and it is open notes so I'll probably do decent on it.

I also got a haircut today and it is different from how I usually style my hair and got my first waxing job done, which hurt like a motherf*cker. I really love my hair and I have known the hairdresser since I was really little and the hairdresser also does a great job on my hair, which is a plus. I showed her a picture of a girl with a hairstyle I really like and she did my hair almost exactly the same and I am so proud of how it turned out!

                                 the picture of the style I wanted (minus the hair color)

 before                                                              after

Also, I finished my Patty cosplay! I am very excited about how it turned out and I am probably gonna wear it to the next anime boston xD I ordered the shirt and the wig from ebay and ordered the hat and tie at kohls.com (I already had shorts and boots). I decorated my hat with tape and spent such a long time working on how to tie the tie correctly but after numerous attempts, I finally got it and i feel accomplished.

now let's compare.. lol 

I am also going to Maine on Sunday, even though the plan was for me to leave with the others on Saturday, but I got invited to my boyfriend's family reunion and I am very excited for that! I am also hoping to see as many friends as possible until school starts too because I haven't seen some in a while and some I have seen this summer but I miss. 

I hope you guys are having a good summer, I sure am, just chilling up in my room watching Angel Beats! the new anime show I am watching currently and it is really good too, as well as funny. I am on episode 9 out of thirteen episodes

(my favorite character is TK, the blonde dude with the bandana wrapped around his eyes)

I guess I should be going to bed now, since I need to wake up at 7:30, so goodnight guys and I hope you are all having a great and memorable summer :)